My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
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I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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