There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize