yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
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so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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