new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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