i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
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today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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