You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
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I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
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He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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