the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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