Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
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currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
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"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize