God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
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Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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