ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize