Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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