I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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