Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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