Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
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Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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