you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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