I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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