cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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