I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize