Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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