You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
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My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We have started to decorate penises.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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