This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize