No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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