The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
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I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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