The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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