You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize