I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize