you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
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Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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