i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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