Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
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I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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