When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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