i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize