Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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