my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
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I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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