Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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