I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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