laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
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some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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