he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize