as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
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I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
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I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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