hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
