Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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