i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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