He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
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Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
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You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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