"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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