This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
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Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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