I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
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I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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