The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
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Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
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And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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