I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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