The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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