i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
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He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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