i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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