Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
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I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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