So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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