I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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